The Broken American Male: And how to fix him!
by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Wow!  When I first heard him talking about his book on the Oprah XM channel I was very intrigued.  I had to go to my favorite neighborhood (not corporate owned) bookstore and order it.  I am glad I did.  It was definitely worth the wait. 

Here is a man who is able to describe his cancerous inner critic and the need for our awareness of its existence and the steps needed to insure its demise.  This inner critic is the product of our shallow, materialistic American society that gives our men all the ingredients necessary for incessant feelings of failure, brokenness and self destruction.  In other words, the recipe for the Broken American Male.

In his book, Rabbi Shmuley offers a safe harbor for all Broken American Males and their wives to learn and gain insight into their broken marriages, shattered families and distant children.  It is a MUST read for ALL married couples!!

He does not only offer the shelter of community and understanding to these men who suffer the same afflictions as he, but he is able to speak for women who are the other part to this parcel.  

I felt as if he had been reading my thoughts; as if he had journeyed into my mind and chiseled out the exact feelings and circumstances of my life.  How wonderful to have this source of validation for all of the unspoken sadness and heart wrenching disappointment I have suffered within my own life and marriage.  And for it to be coming from a man...wow!  It might not be the same for everyone or every woman, but for me the validation is the first step to enlightenment.  Once my feelings and emotions, or whatever it is I am struggling with, can be validated in some objective way, I feel like the door has been opened and now I can work towards getting to the other side of the door and on into the next room.  To me the next room is where the keys to understanding and acceptance are waiting.  Once I have those keys I can unlock my inner strength, my inner wisdom and with the help of Sophia my work can begin.

All men who find themselves searching for understanding will want to read something from this down to earth guy, a real Jewish Rabbi, married with 8-1/2 kids, who knows every detail of what goes on in their wounded minds and hearts.  Surely any man, searching for answers to his inability to find happiness in his success, trying to understand why he can not touch his wife or talk to his children,  or simply why he can not be happy would want to hear what this guy, a guy just like them, has to say.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book!  Here is his personal website where you can read more about him as well as purchase the book:
http://www.shmuley.com/home.php
                                                                   
And, PS:  If you are wondering what that empty bucket at the top of the page means, you might understand it more after you read the book (o;

~~~***NEWS FLASH***~~~
FINDINGSOPHIA.COM is finally open and operable.  There are some pages that have not been completed yet but will be soon.  Please visit my website and enjoy the art work, book lists, health links and others points of interest concerning the wisdom of Sophia and the spirit of feminine strength.  If you know of a great book that has made a difference in your life or gave you some wonderful insight, please email me with the name and author.  I love books!

Today, I want to share an excerpt from one of my favorite reference books.  As I go through the journey to Self I find many places of wisdom and advice.  "Animal Speak" by Ted Andrews (this book might be hard to find, it was for me) was brought to my attention by a dear friend, Herb Agan.  Through our lives every day we are presented with miracles, symbols and signs from the universe and Mother Earth, helping us, if we can see or hear them, along our way. 
Recently, I commented to my daughter about seeing so many red birds all the time.  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I hear is a loud red bird, or cardinal, singing in our back yard.  As we drive in the car, walk in the neighborhood, visit friends in other neighborhoods...wherever I am I see a red bird.  Every day I see a red bird or hear one, every day. 

"Animal Speak" is a beautiful book telling of the symbols in the natural world.  

"If you talk to the animals
     they will talk with you
     and you will know each other.
If you do not talk to them,
     you will not know them,
And what you do not know
     you will fear.
What one fears, one destroys."
----Chief Dan George 

"Realizing that visible bodies are only symbols of invisible forces, the ancients worshiped the Divine Power through the lower kingdoms of Nature...The sages of old studied living things to a point of realization that God is most perfectly understood through a knowledge of His supreme handiwork--animate and inanimate Nature.  Every existing creature manifests some aspect of the intelligence of power of the Eternal One" 
"The Secret Teaching of All Ages" by Manly P. Hall p.LXXXV

I felt compelled to look up the red bird and see what part this beautiful singer is playing in my totem.  Here is what I read:
___________________________________________________________
"CARDINAL
KEYNOTE:  Renewed Vitality through Recognizing Self-Importance
CYCLE OF POWER:  Year-round (often with a rhythm of 12-hours, days, months, years)

Most people have no trouble recognizing these redbirds.  They also are part of the finch family, and a general study of finches is beneficial for those with this totem.  Unlike many other birds, they are usually year-round residents, and their influence and the archetypal energies year long.  They remind us that regardless of the time of day or year, we always have opportunity to renew our own vitality and recognize the importance of our own life roles.

The cardinal has a loud and clear whistle.  Whistles are often reminders to listen closely--to pay attention to what is blowing on the winds.  In the case of the cardinal, the female joins in on the whistling, which is unusual among birds.  This reflects that we should be listening to the inner voice (the feminine) more closely for our own health and well-being.  Since most female birds usually are quiet and camouflaged, a cardinal totem almost always reflects a need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly.

All cardinals are beneficial and friendly.  They eat many weed seeds and injurious insects.  The seventeen-year locust (cicada) is one of these.  Cardinals can reflect a need to be more careful about your diet, that what you are eating may be injurious to yourself and afffecting your overall vitality.

Cardinals lay three to four eggs, and they hatch in about twelve days.  This, along with it beaing a 12-month resident, reflects the rhythm of twelve that is going to become more prominent within your own life.

The male cardinal makes a good parent, and often shares with the female the task of egg incubation.  The male, though, will always feed the female while she is in the nest, and the baby cardinals as well.  Although the male normally has the brighter color, when it shares the task of incubation, its colors remain much the same as the females, all for the sake of camouflage.  This often reflects lessons associated with responsibility and the recognition of the importance to the task at hand.

The males usually have a bright head, although their coloring  will often be duller on the back and wings.  The bright-colored crest is a warnging to rivals, while the duller colors can help shield it.

These birds are named for the cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church, with their bright red robes.  If it is your totem, it may reflect past-life connections with the church, or evn a reviving of more traditional religious beliefs, regardless of denomination.

Cardinals brighten the environment.  They cath the eye and add color to our lives.  When they appear as a totem, the do so to remind us to become like them.  Add color to your life, and remember that everthing you do is of importance."
__________________________________________________________

I read it aloud to my daughter.  With each paragraph we would look at each other with our mouths hanging open in amazement.  I will fill you in on how awesome the work of Self discovery can be and what this meant to me.

Of late, I have been unemployed and depressed.  My depression, as Jung says it is known to do, forcing me to delve inside on a subjective expedition of the Self.  My prize, my gold to be found along the journey??...answers.  Answers to these questions:

        Why am I here?
                What should I be doing with my life?
                        Why doesn't my job make me happy?
                                 What direction should I be going?

It is a very lonely trip void of companionship or comaraderie.  As with any long absence one worthy of many family disruptions, spousal arguments and threats of disolution.   It is hard to stay focused on the desitnation and the rewards that are waiting at the end.  Where is the end?

I have made some discoveries, however.  I have a hunger to learn and find joy in discovering and teaching all things spiritual and healing.  I want to go to college.  I want to have the things I have never felt I was worthy of, an education with letters after my name.  I want to learn in a formal setting around others who think like me and ask questions.  I want to be graded and criticized by my peers and my teachers and I want to earn the grade that will fill some need in my deepest depths that is still a mystery.  My soul is demanding it.  The thought of applying for yet another dead end IT job throws me into deep depression and I do not want to get out of bed.  I just can not do it anymore.  I have had to sit in silence, listening, thinking, reading, learning, hearing, paying attention, writing.

This is why I read about the red bird.  This is proof that when you listen you can hear.  My Self is trying to work with my ego to find the balance between both worlds.  My Self will not take another dead end road and is demanding the ego pay attention to it.

I have also started a dream analysis class at The Jung Center.  We are so fortunate to have this fount of knowledge available to us here in Houston.  Through our dreams we can interpret what our inner world is saying to us in it's struggle to form wholeness with the outer ego.  Not only this but dream work is a great source for artwork, a fringe benefit.

So, this is my journey, a rough hazardous road full of potholes and bumps, shards of glass and rocks.  But when I reach my Mecca, when I walk across that stage and am handed a rolled up piece of paper one day, (probably 12 years from now if my red bird is correct )  I will know the meaning of it spans far beyond the words printed there.  Hopefully I will know more intimately the Self that propelled me to that place in my life.

Ignorance.
This is a word that has really turned into a "bad" word over the centuries.  Let's define it.

Ignorance: –noun --  the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge, learning, information, etc.

Ignorant: –adjective --  lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned.  Uninformed; unaware.

"Ignorance is bliss" we have all heard this before and have probably used it jokingly in the past.  Presently, to me this has a very huge meaning.  If you do not want to know what I am talking about, do not read any further. However, if you would like to learn a few steps towards relinquishing your "bliss", please read on. 

Being a woman entering the middle passage of my life, I find myself in ignorance quite often.  I find myself ignorant of my own Self, my own inner being.  How could I know who She actually is if my ears only hear the outer world?  I want to hear my inner world.  How do I do that?  I believe I do that by being still, sitting in silence and listening. 

By sitting in silence I do not mean the imediate image that comes to mind of a woman sitting in a rocking chair in an empty room staring out the window, alone, quietly rocking.  Although that doesn't sound really that bad to me.
What I mean is being with what my life is giving me.  Being aware of what is going on around me, in my world, and how it is affecting me.  Listening to my thoughts and analyzing them, understanding them.  Understanding how my innermost Self is reacting to what I hear from the outside. 

Notice I said, "Being aware."  Does this mean I am resisting ignorance?  I think it does.  When we truly listen and gain knowledge about ourselves or even the world around us, be it world issues or family life, aren't we informing ourselves?  Are we then informed?  I think, yes.

Learning about ourselves isn't always peaches and cream.  Many realizations are too hard to deal with so we push them back in and cover them up with other things out of fear.  Fear, in my oppinion, is at the root of everything.  It is out of fear that we do not analyze ourselves and look at the real us.  The root of us and the recipe that makes us what and who we are. 

Take racism, for one example.  Doesn't it make perfect sense that racism is a reaction from fear?  
What if it is laid out like this, like the dominoe affect:

The fear is a reaction from guilt.  The guilt is a painful reaction from the Self, a symptom, so to speak.  In order to squash the symptom of guilt, the ego produces fear which in turn creates racism.  The guilt is spoken here as a collective guilt, not necessarily a personally created guilt, but that of centuries of oppression of other races by ones own race.  In my case, the white race.

Just imagine if this collective guilt is felt by millions of people around you every day, how much fear is running their lives.  Co-workers, friends, radio talk-show hosts, news broadcasters, teachers.  This would mean we are surrounded by fear. 

Now, imagine all of these same people could be still, could sit in silence to, not only listen, but truly hear their innermost thoughts and accept the fear as the reaction that it truly is and decide they are not going to allow this fear to run their lives anymore.  What kind of world would this make?  I believe this would make a world I would want to live in.  I believe this would make a huge dent in the ignorance of this planet and tip the scales into a collective awareness.  A massive awareness capable of putting an end to hate and racism.

The first step is understanding the true meaning of ignorance and how it applies to us.
The second step is accepting fear as a survival reaction by our ego and ruler of all thought. 
The third step is facing that fear and taking away it's power over our Self.
Once we can see these things about our True Selves we are on the path to awareness and there is no turning back.  There is no more bliss from ignorance.

When we are young and very active, prior to our 30's, our bodies seem to work better.  We don't notice the little aches and pains every morning when we wake up.  The saggy skin under our chin, the darkness under our eyes, the wrinkles on our hands or the brown dots showing up on our legs doesn't really stand out to us prior to turning 30.  At least it didn't to me. 

Now that I am in my early 40's I have started noticing these things more and more.  The other thing I have started doing is listening to my body and trying to hear what it is saying to me with each one of these occurrences.  As Joel Wallach says, "My little red engine light is blinking and trying to tell me something."

There seems to be a lack of knowledge in the reality of what our bodies are capable of doing.  Most people do not realize our bodies are capable of healing themselves if we give them the tools they need in order to do so.  If we listen to our bodies when we feel pain or when we notice a red patch of itchy skin, we will hear a complaint.  Our body is trying to tell us there is a problem, there is a lack of something or there is too much of something...Please fix it.
However, in the America of today, fixing it translates into "stopping it".  "Stopping it" does not fix the problem.  Most Americans believe taking a pill that will simply stop the body from talking is fixing their problem.  
It is not.  
When we stop the body from talking, when we take a pill to stop the pain, we are killing the messenger.  We are unplugging the wires that lead to the little red engine light.  If we don't listen to what the messenger has to say, how will we know where to send the help?  The aches and pains we have in our bodies are messengers telling us there is something needed, there is something wrong. 

We should not have to live with pain every day.  We don't have to if we listen to the pain for what it is, a messenger of a more important purpose.  That purpose is to alert us to the deeper problem.

When we hear our messengers we should begin to listen deeper, take note of all circumstances surrounding our messengers and what the root of the problem could possibly be.  Do research on the internet, talk to friends who are in the Alternative Mindset who also listen to their bodies.  We should open our minds to the energies our bodies are sending us.  Our bodies are speaking to us.

The Western Mindset is not that of the Alternative Mindset when it comes to health and nutrition.  The Western Mindset, unfortunately, is prevalent in the America of today, as mentioned above.  When you are researching your body and the messages it is sending you, especially on the internet, be aware of the prevalence of the Western mindset.  Most articles or advice you find will fill you with fear, will scare you into doubting your body and the language it uses to speak to you.   Most will be from the Western Mindset.

Of course, there are many reasons to seek medical assistance, of the Western Mindset, and that decision is certainly up to each body and each mind, but herein lies the key....the decision.  We have the choice in how we decide to interpret our body's messages.  That choice, again, is highly influenced by the Western Mindset.  If you commit yourself to the Alternative Mindset and focus your energy in that direction and on the positive choice you have made to listen to your body speak, you will find the information you seek.  You will find answers that help guide you and positively reinforce your decision to remain dedicated to the Alternative Mindset.

Being of the Alternative Mindset is imperative to living a long healthy life with an outstanding quality of life free from pain and misery.   If you have an open mind and are willing and ready to hear alternative solutions to your health challenges or your daily pro-active health regimen, you are of the Alternative Mindset.  You are probably like me, always seeking answers, always searching for the right remedy, the ultimate way to positive health.

I would love to share my findings with you, please feel free to comment on this blogspot or email me directly at:
stephanie@findingsophia.com

My name is Stephanie Vaughan, I live in Houston, TX, wife, artist and mother of 2 beautiful daughters who benefit greatly from all of my years of searching and seeking out answers to alternative wellness.  I want to share my findings with you now.  Let's start a conversation.
(Please check back here often for the grand opening of my website www.findingsophia.com which is under construction at this time 3/13/08)